How Rome Stumbled Into the Third Century Crisis

A History of Mankind (276)

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As the borders collapsed and short-lived emperors came one after another, all charlatans and self-promoters across the Roman Empire were surpassed in extravagancy, impact and sheer entertainment value by one Apollonius of Tyana, who earned a biography written by the popular Greek writer Philostratus.

A misunderstood sage given to head-scratching sayings ("although the soul wants to ascend to heaven, mountaineering does not bring it closer to God," is one of Apollonius’ reflections, in Philostratus’ account), he travelled to India and up the river Nile as far as Ethiopia, spending his family wealth, and then all the way to Hispania as far as Gades.

Asked by a customs official at the Euphrates whether he had anything to declare, Apollonius – anticipating Oscar Wilde by almost two millennia – recited a list of mistresses that turned out to be his personal virtues: justice, self-restraint, equanimity, etc¹. At Thermopylae, he becomes so emotional that he claims that a famous mound, where the Spartans were said to have made their last stand, is Greece’s highest peak, “for all those who fell here in defense of freedom raised it… and carried to a height surpassing many mountains.”

Apollonius' friendships and quarrels are also reflected in his extant Letters, some of which may have been fabricated by disciples and admirers. He became so famous that in a rare moment of modesty he had to deny that he had the ability to shape-shift, and his followers argued whether he was a reincarnation of Proteus or a son of Zeus². He rose so high that he made truly devoted enemies, to the point that a certain Moeragenes wrote an alternative, hostile biography, now regrettably lost.

A possible depiction of Apollonius, with the long hair and the charlatan stare. Credit: Wikipedia.